What Are You Carrying That Isn’t Yours?

When I connect back to myself as a child the primary emotion I feel is sadness.

A deep grief.

I remember saying to myself in the bathroom when I was about 7, “All I want when I grow up is to be happy.”

Even to this day when I connect to the energy of that moment, a deep sadness pours over me.

No child should grow up feeling that way, and in all honesty when I feel into what my childhood was like, it was less than perfect, and there was a lot of emotional trauma but it didn't fully justify the really strong, life affecting feeling of grief I held.

It followed me everywhere and affected my friendships, how I moved through the world and the important choices I made in life.

Until, that is, I realised the sadness wasn’t mine.

The moment I was shown that this grief was ancestral and I was able to trace it strongly down my Maternal Ancestral lineage, my life changed.

I became fully aware of carrying generations of sadness, trauma, loss, fear of life; all symbiotic with coming from a lineage plagued by poverty, death, and war.

I didn't only epigenetically take on the emotions of my mother's line, I also carried the physical repercussions of holding such deep, unprocessed grief.

Every time I got ill I'd get chest infections, coughs, tonsillitis; anything that mirrored the stagnant grief and not being able to safely express and release it. Both my grandmother and aunty passed away with lung problems and my mother still suffers with her chest and stagnant grief.

The more I began to explore my heritage through communing with my ancestors, the more things started to click and I was able to see that as much as I identified with the sadness I felt, it had such a presence in my life because I had chosen to be the one to release my lineage from it.

I was able to see how it affected my choices, my way of being, my life and I declared that I was no longer going to let it control me.

This was such a dramatic shift in consciousness; to detach from an identity, a way of being that was inherently mine and that was coded into my DNA but yet wasn’t the Truth of me.

It triggered a huge healing, clearing and recalibration resulting in an ego death and subsequent re-birth.

To commune with my maternal ancestors and hear and hold them in their grief, allowing it to pour out and be healed for them, me and our future generations changed not only my own internal relationship with grief, and my relationship with my Mother but it also healed my physical responses to it too.

It was all at the same time beautiful, sad, intense and empowering.

This work has changed my life, my relationships, the future of my children.

This work is groundbreaking and powerful.

This work is what will change the future of the Collective.

If this work calls to you, I’d be honoured to hold you in an exploratory chat. Feel free to get in contact to ask anything you need and book a free consultation.