The Guilt Ridden Mother

Back in 2019 I started working with a mother of two who was trapped in restrictive cycles of guilt. She described herself as always having low energy (which is completely expected for a working mother of 2 living without real familial support) but it was characterised by an apathy for life that left her feeling no urge to do anything beyond what was needed and with no drive to make plans for herself to enjoy life, or for her to thrive. 

In the moments that her desires for self care were screaming out to her she felt too much guilt to actually go ahead and put herself first leaving her immensely frustrated. She had trapped herself between a rock and a hard place. Anytime her partner planned time for himself, it would trigger her frustration that she wasn't giving herself that time and they would end up in an argument.

No matter how much sleep she got she was always exhausted, and her nervous system was consistently wired to fight, triggered into outbursts of misplaced anger towards her children which then further triggered deep feelings of guilt and self loathing for being a “bad mother”.

This way of feeling and being as a mother is all too common.

Many of us have been conditioned into this way of being, by watching our own mothers sacrifice themselves to motherhood, hearing so many of them claim that it's selfish to put themselves first.

So at first I saw this as an opportunity to support this mother to recognise and heal the ancestral trauma she held around a mother not being supported to look after her own needs.

This is a great foundational healing that I believe all women would benefit from receiving because the suppression of women has been so prolific over the last thousand years, it's made a huge impact.

How do you even begin to heal this type of deep rooted trauma?

I believe it's really quite simple.

Everything you need is held as energy memory within your body. My role is to support my clients to build a deeper connection with their bodies so that they can be guided to heal themselves.

One of the major effects of living within a capitalist patriarchy is that we have all lost the deep healing connection we can have with our bodies, and we've farmed our power to sources outside of us.

I have spent the last 15 years of my life re-activating this connection within my own body and womb (one of the most powerful energy centres within a woman) and learning how to work with the energy of life so that I can shift and change the frequency of my body to match one that is more desirable.

We are all tuned in to a specific frequency at any given time and every emotion has it's own specific frequency so whatever frequency you're tuned into, that's what will be playing out for you by way of emotions more often than not, and those emotions are what catalyse the actions connected to your reality.

So for instance, if your emotions are mainly guilt ridden, then that frequency is one of the lowest on the spectrum, meaning that the overall frequency in your body won't be one of high energy. That's why this mother often felt low energy and apathetic because the frequency of her body was consistently at the level of guilt, a really low vibrational frequency.

I began supporting this mother to re-member how to communicate with the energy of her body.

To listen and read the signs that her body was communicating to her and she was drawn to her womb, and as I supported her to go even deeper she was met by the energy of her grandmother.

Our ancestors are always ready to communicate with us to support our and their healing.

We communicated with her grandmother's energy and she told us that she held long lasting feelings of guilt for the loss of a child at birth. This was certainly some of the energy that this mother was unconsciously holding onto so we brought in healing energy to support the grandmother to let go of this energy of guilt that she had held onto for so long.

Healing is partly is done through words spoken so that the grandmother can make peace with what happened, and some is done by visualising and bringing in certain frequencies of energy to help transmute the energy of guilt into a Higher vibration.

Broken down, this is essentially what energy healing is, it's not airy fairy and intangible, it's the science of physics and we can all do it when we re-member.

It's a key part of healing the human body that doesn't need expensive pharmaceuticals, but where would the capitalist fun be if we enabled ourselves to remember this powerful self-healing superpower?

After that session the mother felt lighter and more at peace and I supported her to start taking different actions in her life to truly hep shift her reality.

Healing isn't complete until we start doing things differently on the outside, and now that a lot of the unconscious guilt keeping her trapped in restrictive cycles had dissipated she found it easier to be calm and less triggered into anger through guilt.

She wasn't, however, fully able to start putting herself first so I was guided to explore the birth she had with her first child.

As much as I am guided by the energy of my clients, it's only in integrity for me to move forwards with what I sense if they too feel happy and safe to do so, and sometimes clients aren't ready to delve into certain places and that's ok.

If you ever work with a therapist or healer who takes charge and pulls you into directions you're not ready to explore, know that you can and should strengthen your boundaries and say no. No one has the power to make you do something you're not ready for if you stand in your boundaries.

So with the mother's permission we started to reconnect with the story of her birth.

At first I always hold space for the mother to recollect and fully tell her story of how she felt and how she experienced her birth before we go within to do deeper work. This gives the mother the opportunity to be seen and heard in all the ways she may not have done in her birth and is such a potent and healing practice on its own.

If you desire to be held in this way ask someone you fully trust to be your witness and express how you felt and what you experienced during your birth. This alone will allow you to shift the heavy energy left behind from your birth.

Next we went into the body and allowed the body to take her to an energetic memory that held the most guilt for her during her birth.

Within ourselves, we hold all of our old aspects of self. We reside within ourselves as energy; the little child, the adolescent, the maiden, and all versions of ourselves that went through big shifts, some traumatic shifts, in life.

We hold all parts of ourselves within and they are ready to communicate the energy that they are holding onto and that's taking a hold of your life.

So her body took us to the version of herself during her labour where she started to feel immense feelings of guilt for the direction her birth was going and for choosing to not want to have an induction even though the doctors repeatedly were telling her it was a danger to her baby.

She was caught between trusting her instincts and listening to the fear based narrative the doctors were holding.

She eventually agreed to the induction but inside of her she felt guilty for abandoning the instincts she knew were right and guilt for potentially putting her child in danger.

That guilt she felt, without being fully processed or expressed in the moment lodged itself within her body as a safety mechanism so that she wouldn't find herself in that position again.

Meaning that in her present life, anytime she didn't listen to an instinct or she did something that wasn't putting her children first she reactivated these feelings of guilt and she trapped herself in a lose-lose situation even though her subconscious believed it was keeping her safe!

I supported the mother to hold space for this guilt ridden version of herself as she expressed these feelings of guilt during her labour and supported her to make peace with the situation allowing her to see all perspectives and allowing her to see how what happened wasn't her fault, along with bringing in High vibrational energy to clear the heaviness of the energy of guilt.

Immediately after the session the mother felt lighter, at peace and inspired to start living her life again.

Her energy levels were raised because we'd cleared the heavy energy and pattern within her subconscious that was burning energy just being there and within a week she was building a self care routine that left her guilt free. Her relationship with her partner improved as she no longer felt resentment for him doing things for himself to take care of his needs and the built up anger from not voicing how she felt during birth had now been expressed meaning her displaced outbursts stopped.

After years of feeling as though this is just who she was and she'd just have to put up with this way of being she was free to be her true self. 

This was now a woman who had reconnected with her wisdom within, was able to hold herself and back herself through life and who now knew her true worth was worth focusing on.

If you feel as thought you're caught in a way of life that feels restrictive but as though there's nothing more that can be done know that that isn't the truth.

The truth is you have these feelings of peace, calm and happiness available to you too. You are worthy of that and what you hold within in from your life experiences or your ancestral history is what's running the subconscious show.

Tune into that, and hold space for yourself to heal and I guarantee you can make huge changes not only to how you feel every day but with what opens up for you in your physical reality.

The energy healing process that I explain above is one that I have cultivated over the last 5 years, it is unique to me, and I've named it Resonance.

It is an incredibly powerful healing technology. It works within the multidimensional realms and allows you to access past, present and future aspects of yourself so that you can ultimately bring your full energetic Resonance back into harmony.

I support my clients to feel confident in using this process themselves when they feel their inner energy needs a tune up. This work is about becoming Sovereign in our energy, without needing to farm out our healing to others. This ultimately creates a society of powerful and free humans, a society I envision for the future.

This work is sacred and I’m honoured to walk this path with the women who choose me to walk with them.

If this is something you feel called to experience, I have one 6 month space available to work with me one to one in March, send me message here and we can explore what shape your mentorship can take.