Does Motherhood Make You Feel Uncomfortable?
Is there something making you feel uneasy in Motherhood? Something that you’re not sure about?
Or do you know what it is, but you’d rather ignore it?
Or is it a whole host of things that are too overwhelming to even begin to make sense of?
It’s ok. I used to feel that way too.
Icky feelings of dread that you immediately shut down as soon as they start to rear their ugly head.
You’re allowed to feel that way.
WE ALL FEEL THAT WAY.
Ok I’ll be reaaaally honest here.
ALL WOMEN FEEL WEIRD WHEN THEY BECOME MOTHERS. FACT.
It doesn't make you a bad mother or a weak woman.
You’re feeling exactly how you’re supposed to feel. You just don’t know it because no one ever talks about it.
It’s daunting this motherhood game. It shakes you up, bamboozles you and makes space for old stories to fight their way to the surface. Shit you thought you’d dealt with or at least buried deep enough so that they wouldn’t come up again.
As hard as it is to believe, this is what’s supposed to happen.
Motherhood is a Rite of Passage.
It’s no walk in the park for that very reason. It’s meant to stop you in your tracks, make you take a hard look at yourself and your life, so you can see what no longer serves you and you can release it. Mother Nature doesn’t want you to carry unnecessary energy into Motherhood and plague your children with it.
☝🏼THIS STATEMENT IS A TRUTH☝🏼 However uncomfortable it makes you feel.
What makes this all the more annoying, and even harder to deal with, is that no one ever straight up talks about this part of Motherhood in an open and honest way (until now🖐🏼). All the secrecy not only makes you feel like you’re the only one feeling this way, but it also means you have no idea it’s coming and you’re left feeling like you’ve been hit by a bus.
Here you go. Here’s your precious newborn baby, that you have responsibility for keeping alive, oh and here’s all that shit you went through in your past that you’ve been trying to hide away from, that makes you feel uncomfortable and sad and you don’t know what to do with. Have a nice life. BYE.
What a way to enter into one of the most sacredly beautiful experiences of your life.
If there is one thing my mother taught me, it was to be honest about your feelings, because being any other way is a lie and lies come back to bite you.
She’s a firecracker my Mama. Maybe it’s because she’s Greek but maybe it’s because she knows a universal truth when she hears one.
However, even she didn’t tell me about the emotional shit show that was going to go down when I had my baby. Luckily, instilling in me the value of speaking out a truth for the greater good, has meant that everything I went through, was so that now I can support other Mother’s on this journey.
We Women are powerful beings, with so much to give and the energy within us to change the world. The fact that we’re being made to feel small and essentially not worthy because we’re not being told the honest truth, cuts me deep to my core.
Can you imagine how empowered you would feel if you had a chance to digest this information before you became a Mother? If you had the space to explore what you wanted to feel like in Motherhood and what you needed to release in order to get there?
Motherhood would be experienced in all its beautiful glory.
So that feeling, the one you’ve been ignoring or the one you can’t quite figure out, it’s actually an invitation to create a better life for yourself, for you and your children. One where you feel clear, centred, happy and able to achieve anything you want.
What a gift.
Here’s a guide to how you can safely start to open up communication with the you that’s calling out to be heard.
MAKE TIME FOR YOU
Carve out some time to listen to these feelings. We often make ourselves busy subconsciously because we’re afraid that if we slow down the feelings will start calling out. That’s exactly what they’ll do and that’s exactly what we need them to do, so make some space in your diary for an hour of you time.
CREATE A SACRED SPACE
When I work with my clients I make sure we’re in a sacred space that makes them feel safe and calm. Light a candle, burn some incense, get in the bath even. Create a space that emanates love and safety so you feel open to exploring how you feel.
QUIETEN YOUR MIND
Put on some relaxing music (if you like it, don’t bother if not, it’s all about creating a space you love remember), close you eyes, put one hand on your heart and one on your belly. Take some deep belly breaths and allow your belly to expand on the inhale and contract fully on the exhale. Take 3 in total. Let your breath settle and just focus your attention on the energy centres beneath your hands in your heart and your belly. With your in breath visualise and feel the energy building in your hara energy centre (belly), and on the exhale all that energy to flow to your heart centre. Do this for around 11 minutes.
EXPLORE HOW YOU FEEL
Now that you’re centred take some time connect to how you feel using the questions below. Remember if you feel uncomfortable, it means you’re getting closer to that which you need to see, feel and release. Sit with each question, eyes closed, hand on heart for a moment and see what comes to you. Trust the answers you receive. It’s your higher, wiser self talking.
How do you feel?
Where do you feel that feeling in your body?
Sit with that feeling a moment. Allow yourself to feel it. If you get emotional, allow it. That’s how we release.
What does this feeling look like? Does it have a shape? Colour? Does it move? Is it saying anything? Feel into it.
Can you see or sense a part of yourself behind this feeling? If so, can you get a sense of her? How she’s feeling? Don’t go too deep here just get a sense.
This is the part of you that is being sheltered by this uneasy feeling. The Feeling is usually a part of our ego protecting us.
Now take your attention back to how this feeling looks, sounds and feels. Take it all in. Thank it for protecting you and begin to visualise it getting smaller, and smaller, dimmer and dimmer, quieter and quieter. Smaller, and smaller, dimmer and dimmer, quieter and quieter. Now using your breath, hook the remnants of the feeling to your out breath and exhale it outside of you. Keep using your breath in this way until all the the feel has disappeared.
Take your attention back to the space where this feeling sat and notice how it feels and how it looks. If there is anything left. Repeat the steps above until you feel lighter and clearer.
For your final 3 deep breaths in and out, visualise bright, protective, healing white light filling the space you’ve just cleared.
Take some time to journal on what you've just done, what the feelings were and how you feel now. And if there was a part of you behind the feeling you've released its a good time to connect to her and tell her she is safe and protected.
This work can sometimes not be easy, but it is freeing. The more you do it, the easier it gets and the more you shift, the lighter and happier you will feel.
Honour your feelings. they are worthy of your attention. You are worthy of your loving attention
Let me know how you feel and how that exercise was for you in the comments below. Please feel free to ask me any questions about the process.
If your intrigued by my processes, Empower The Mother, my new online group coaching program for Mothers is a space to explore yourself and your new identity and is launching soon.
Register your interest here.