What if you and your partner want different births?
Nearly every time I start working with a new client, the one sentiment that comes up time and time again is…
“I’d like to have a home birth, but my partner isn’t keen. He’d rather I give birth in hospital as he thinks it would be safer.”
Hands up how many of you are in this predicament right now, and how do you feel about it?
Are you worried that you won’t have the birth you desire?
Are you scared that maybe he is right and birth isn’t safe unless you’re in a hospital?
Firstly, I want to say that what you are experiencing is totally normal.
Being pregnant, you’re much more in tune with your intuition and in touch with your body than you realise.
Your body instinctively knows what it is capable of, and how it can best birth your baby and your internal voice is communicating this with you, hence why you’re feeling drawn to have as natural a birth as possible.
Your mind, however, has been conditioned to believe (through centuries of false negative stories — another post for another time!) that “birth is dangerous” and “the safest way to give birth is in hospital with doctors on hand”.
You’re being internally pulled from one direction to another.
It’s tough and it’s confusing.
When it comes to your partner, he doesn’t have the ancient bodily wisdom that you, the birthing mother does. He’s not currently performing the miracle that is growing and carrying your baby, so he has no idea what your body is capable of.
Just pause for a moment to let that sink in my sweet.
You are growing and carrying life.
You are growing and carrying life.
It is also, much more difficult than the act of birth itself. If you even tried to put your mind to it, you couldn’t even fathom where to begin.
So, take some confidence in the idea that if you can grow and safely carry life, then with the right support and direction you can prepare your mind and body to birth your baby the way you feel drawn to.
Back to your partner…without the instinctive, internal knowing of what the female body is capable of, your partner can only draw from the stories he’s seen and heard about birth, so it’s no wonder he’s consumed by the negative limiting beliefs that society shares around birth not being safe.
So, where do you go from here?
Let me tell you my sweet, the first step is for you to fully trust your body and your birthing ability, and that means transforming your limiting beliefs and connecting deeply to your body and your intuition.
It’s only then that you can expect your partner to follow suit. And trust me, he wants nothing more.
When men witness the raw beauty of birth, they are in awe of their partner’s ability to step into such natural power.
Your partner wants nothing more, than for you to be fully in your element in birth, but if you don’t show him that you trust your ability to birth safely, then how can you expect him to feel that way and support your dream of a natural birth?
So, begin by practicing tuning into your body and your intuition on a daily basis.
Seek out that knowing voice inside yourself.
Listen to her. Be guided by her.
And then take action where needed.
Maybe you’ll find you need to understand more about home birthing? Maybe you’ll need to educate yourself on the history of birth and why our society seems to be so afraid of it?
Whatever it is, your intuition will guide you there, and there is always support out there for you, seek out a birth coach, or a doula, but most importantly, always remember that you’ve got this my darling.
With love & gratitude,
PS: If you want to explore this further, and start making steps towards preparing your mind, body and soul for an empowered natural birth, then I have a few 1:1 consultations left for this month. You can find and book a suitable time here.